Your Outer World is a Reflection of Your Inner State

Nowhere is this better demonstrated than in a marital relationship. It's one thing to believe that the person sitting across from you at the dinner table is mean, a jerk, exhibits all sorts of negative unconscious behavior. That very well may be true, and you can work very hard to try to "fix" that person. That effort is unlikely to succeed, but you can try.

 The more important question is why? Not, "Why is this person like this?" Most people in bad relationships spend the bulk of their time pondering this question, both in their heads and out loud. It's a futile inquiry. The better "why" questions is, "Why is this person part of my world?" For the answer to this one you have to look inside yourself. That's where the title to this post comes in.
In every respect--and most especially your relationship--the outer circumstances of your life are a direct reflection of your own level of unconsciousness. Unconsciousness is just that--unconscious, which means that you are not aware. "Aware of what?" you might ask.  Aware of your own inner state. I'll explain in a moment.

 The Universe, if you will, uses negative external circumstances to reflect back to you your level of internal unconsciousness and will continue to do so until no purposes is served by the effort.

 (Don't feel like you have to believe any of this, by the way. You'll get a chance to try it out for yourself in just a bit.)

 And when will the purpose of negativity be served? When you wake up. When the internal condition precipitating your negative circumstances is relieved. (Hint: this is all an exercise in helping you learn to feel good inside.)

 Think about it. The world cannot be any other way. Can one even image a universe in which we feel bad inside but everything comes up roses? Why would we ever seek change?

 So when your circumstances are negative, focus on how they make you feel inside, and I don't mean in your head, your thoughts. I mean in your body. Focus on the actual physical discomfort that you feel as you contemplate your relationship with your partner. Your body acts as a handle on your thoughts.

 The first thing to notice is that if your partner is not hitting you at that moment, the only possible culprit for the discomfort you are feeling in your physical body is you; that is to say, your thoughts. The key to getting out of this cycle of negativity is realizing that your own thoughts, both conscious and unconscious, are causing your physical body to feel discomfort. Figure out how to keep your thoughts from causing you physical pain on the inside, then watch your outer circumstances change to reflect your newfound peaceful, joyful, pleasurable inner reality. It works! Put it to the test.

 How do you do it? By focusing your attention on your inner body. How does your stomach feel? How does your heart feel? How do your intestines feel? Focus your awareness within. You will very quickly find pockets of negative sensation that you didn't know where there. When you find them, just relax and allow them to be there. Don't judge them or yourself. Your awareness is all that's needed to cause those pockets of negativity to dissolve, unravel, unknot.

 As they unknot, the unconscious thoughts that brought them into being will rise into your consciousness. You'll get the connection between the pain and those unconscious thoughts. You'll find that the unconscious thoughts are unrealistic and untrue, and once they enter your consciousness they won't have any effect on you anymore. You'll be able to discard them and the pain they caused you.

 If you're interested in learning more about how to access your inner body, check out this post:  Excerpt on Inner Body Awareness from A New Earth by Eckhart Tolle.