The Human Addiction

Do you stay to long in relationships that are going nowhere? Is your girlfriend, boyfriend or spouse a negative influence in your life? Does he/she treat you badly (we might even ask simply, does he or she treat you in a way you don't prefer to be treated)? Does it seem like you can never quite get on the same sheet of music, so to speak? And to quote the song, "How long has this been going on?"

A long time, right?

Your significant other is not your problem. As with absolutely every aspect of life, if there's a problem, YOU are that problem. In this case, you may suffer from the human addiction.

Look around you. Is your life desiccated and desolate? Going in the wrong direction? These are the hallmarks of every addiction. Yours is no different.

This is not something you can blame on your significant other (if you intend to get well, you're going to have to take responsibility). What bothers you in him or her may not bother everyone. Not everyone is for everyone. You have to let them go (or make them go, as the case may be) so they can find the right fit for them. And so you can find the right fit for you.

Oftentimes, your significant other does play a significant role in the addiction cycle. He or she may be a human addict themselves, or they may have a pain-body that's complimentary to yours. That is, they seek out human addicts to become addicted to them, leading to sometimes bizarre, and always painful results. Often a yo-yo break-up/make-up cycle will last for many years.

You have to find the wherewithal to move on.

Speaking specifically about the human addiction in The Power of Now, spiritual teacher Eckhart Tolle says, "Every addiction arises from an unconscious refusal to face and move through your own pain." If it's gone on this long, no one is going to do it for you. It's going to be painful but it won't kill you.

You get through this kind of emotional pain just like every other kind. You have to get out of your head and into your body. Make the break and then find the pain the other person's absence is causing in your physical body. Focus your awareness on it. Can you feel it? Is it going to kill you? The realization that it will not, in fact, kill you is a turning point. You can then allow that pain to be there for as long as it lasts until your awareness dissolves it completely. 

Stay out of your head! Don't listen to that voice! The addiction will try to take over your internal monologue (and will succeed at times). It will tell you to call. It will tell you to give it another chance. Focus on your body and you'll begin to understand that this is the limit of your problem. It has nothing to do with the outside world or your significant other.

Find an affirmation to help reprogram your subconscious thoughts. Something like: "There is someone who is better for me than ______________, he or she is out there waiting for me to get well, and that reality is very exciting!" Say it with feeling 25 times a day until you don't need it anymore.

Photo credit: Hindustan Times